


bastardize, cannibalize

by TechnicalTragedy



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, F/F, F/M, I think?, Language of Flowers, Multiverse, Non-Linear Narrative, Soulmates, Unrequited Love, kind of, spoilers through episode 58, vex-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-07
Updated: 2016-07-07
Packaged: 2018-07-22 02:38:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7416319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TechnicalTragedy/pseuds/TechnicalTragedy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You've lived a thousand lives before this, together. You'll live a thousand more after this; you're living a thousand lives right now in other worlds. You know that you are linked, and have been throughout eternity.” - Liam O'Brien</p>
            </blockquote>





	bastardize, cannibalize

**Author's Note:**

> i really don't know what this is... i wanted to write something cute n short n fluffy about vex and keyleth bein gfs but it really didn't work out that way whoops...... so here take this weird soulmates + multiverse introspective vex-centric sadfest? if you see anything i forgot to tag hmu!
> 
> enjoy!

In this story, they're safe. In that one, they're happy. They can't have both.

 

Vex has Keyleth. Keyleth has Vex. They kiss and everything in the world is good and pure-

 

but this isn't the right story. They don't have interlocked fingers and stolen kisses. There aren't any late-night visits just to exchange “I love you”s.

 

Vex watches Keyleth walk away-

 

we're getting closer to the truth, now-

 

Vex watches Keyleth watch Pike-

 

no, Percy-

 

no, _Vax_ , that's right.

 

Vex watches Keyleth watch Vax, eyes only for him as he walks away (and he always walks away, he never stays long enough to see the look on Keyleth's face; he's too busy breaking his own heart, breaking Gilmore's heart, breaking Keyleth's heart).

 

But Vex loves Keyleth. It's jagged and unfair and every time they share a smile, a laugh, a look, it breaks Vex's heart all over again. She supposes her brother breaks her heart, too.

 

In another life Vex's heart isn't broken. She falls ever deeper in love with Keyleth and they are happy, or safe, or together.

 

“I love you,” she says without fear. “I love you so much, darling, you've no idea.”

 

And in these lives Keyleth smiles, smiles, smiles, and says, “I love you too, (my flower, my heart, Blue jay, Vex).”

 

Vex is none of these things. She slides in next to Keyleth and gives her a grin that makes her feel greasy. “So. You and Vax, what's up?” she says.

 

Keyleth tenses, looks wide-eyed at (her bird, her love, her light) Vex. “Me and Vax?” she says. “What-what about me and Vax? Did he, um, did he say something to you?”

 

“No,” Vex answers, “he's shut up tighter than a steel trap. Told me to ask you. So I am!”

 

And Keyleth blushes (and Vex tries so very hard to pretend she doesn't wish Keyleth was blushing about _her_ and not _her brother_ ), tucking hair behind a pointed ear as she smiles, tentative. “I don't know,” she says, quiet. “He's told me he loves me.”

 

Vex leans closer. She can smell the flowers in Keyleth's crown, can see the dirt under her fingernails where she's been gardening. “Do you love him?” Vex asks (shame digs hot into her when her traitorous mind hopes against all hope the answer is no).

 

“I, well,” Keyleth says. “I care about Vax very much. And I'm sure I do love him! On some level. I just don't know, I. I need to think about it and he told me he'll wait but, Vex,” she looks over plaintively and Vex's heart seizes. “What if I take too long to think it over and he changes his mind? I don't want him to think I'm some heartless shrew, or-”

 

“Keyleth, darling,” Vex says through the overpowering ache, “if there's one thing I know about my brother, it's that he's a pigheaded fool. He's head over heels for you, and as long as you take to make up your mind, I'm sure he'll keep waiting.”

 

Keyleth frowns, a single delicate iris sprouting from her palm. “You think so?”

 

Vex smiles, taking the iris from Keyleth and tucking it into her hair. “I do.”

 

At this Keyleth grins, and it is radiant. Dark pink roses grow from her hands and she gives them to Vex, who accepts them with a heavy heart.

 

“Thank you so much for listening,” Keyleth says, larkspur crawling up her arms.

 

And Vex clutches her roses, trying not to break them. She nods. “Anytime, Keyleth.”

 

Vex watches Keyleth walk away-

 

and the truth is revealed, is encased in a singular moment-

 

The roses do not wilt. Keyleth makes sure of that. She doesn't know that the sight of them makes Vex hurt all over again, couldn't possibly know the pain it causes.

 

Vex wears a crown of yellow asphodel and monks cress with red carnations and yew. Keyleth knows what it means but doesn't know why Vex would request such a depressing crown.

 

(In another life she'd wear arbutus and marjoram and balsam and phlox, she'd hold Keyleth's hand and they'd lean on each other while ambrosia grew around them.)

 

But this isn't that life, and in this life Keyleth observes Vex with her lonely arrangement and turns to Vax with his forget-me-not and heliotrope and asks, “Why?” and he doesn't have an answer.

 

In this life Percy settles next to Vex and he has periwinkle and magnolia in his hair and he looks at Vex, really looks at her and says, “They don't mean to hurt us, you know.”

 

She gives him a halfhearted smile and says, “That knowledge doesn't make it stop hurting.”

 

Percy laughs and looks over the lake, watching Grog, Scanlan, and Pike splash around and play like children. “Indeed,” he agrees, “but it does make us a little less resentful.”

 

In a different story they kiss. In another they never have this conversation but kiss nevertheless. For now they watch the sun set, and eventually return to Whitestone.

 

The dragons can't wait, not really, but everyone has to make their own time, these days. In this story they all live on borrowed time, on time that has been taken from the jaws of death, bartered for, gifted-

 

In one life the sky turns over, heaving with swollen rain clouds. The Cinder King stands proud over Emon and Vox Machina stands defiant below him.

 

Vax and Vex share a look and think of their mother, think of Byroden. Vox Machina mourns their late emperor, their city, their home. Grog raises a fist.

 

“Vox Machina!” he calls and his voice is amplified, echoing.

 

Six hands strike the air around him, and more rise behind, a line of faith and strength and solidarity down the ruined main street of the Cloudtop District. This is the end. This is what they've worked for.

 

“Let's kill this fucker,” Grog says, much softer, and starts forward-

 

but this isn't that story.

 

Maybe Vex courses with sickly green energy, her eyes lighting with it as Fenthras is clutched in her hand. She smiles and the Feywild falls away to only her and the bow-

 

She remembers being a child. Vax is spinning knives to her left while she nocks another arrow. The world slows. She pulls back and takes aim, focused the way she never is during lessons. She looses breath and arrow in a single instant-

 

The woods are dark around her, and her mind is clouded with a cocktail of betrayal and fear and anger. Fucking poachers. She was a fool to trust them.

 

There's a bear in a cage to her right and though she isn't sure she trusts wild animals she knows that she can't leave it in a fucking cage. The bear is close to death, eyes glossed over and body wracked with shudders. She puts it out of its misery, and hears a quiet noise from deeper within the cage. A small, furry face pokes out from behind the bear. A cub.

 

Vex reaches in and collects the cub up in her arms. He snuffles at her jaw and licks at her chin. Her heart breaks.

 

“Hey buddy,” she says, quiet in case the poachers weren't as alone as she'd thought they were.

 

The cub looks at her with wide eyes, and he feels so thin in her grasp that she aches for him. She looks back to the cage. She can't leave this little cub, she _can't_.

 

“Come on,” she says. They escape into the woods, Vex and her Trinket-

 

Vex sits on watch, her brother asleep to her left and her bear asleep to her right. She would do anything to protect them but the memory is stained green and crackles in her mind and is she there? is she Vex'ahlia? or is she Fenthras, is she the corruption in the Feywild and the darkness in every heart?

 

She can feel the pulse of the forest. The arrow from her childhood strikes true in its target and Vax laughs, loud and unashamed-

 

But that story isn't right, is it?

 

Are any of them right, really?

 

Maybe they're all right. Every life, every tale, is love-

 

and love-

 

and love-

 

and love-

 

and love and love and love and love and love-

 

and love.

 

Vex has always loved her brother.

 

In one life, she has Keyleth to love, too. In one life, she has neither of them.

 

(There is no stolen kiss, there is no love confession, there is no Blue jay, no coquettish look and no handholding.)

 

In many lives, in a hundred-thousand-million lives, Vex loves Keyleth. It is the rotation of the planet, it is the sun shining, it is inevitability and obligation but it is never tiresome, just natural-

 

In some lives they are happy, in some they are safe, in a rare few they are both but those lives are not this one.

 

Keyleth walks away-

 

Keyleth watches Vax-

 

Keyleth smiles-

 

Keyleth blushes-

 

Vex watches Keyleth-

 

yellow asphodel and monks cress and red carnations and yew feel like thorns-

 

Percy settles next to Vex-

 

the dragons can't wait-

 

Thordak is over Emon-

 

Fenthras sparks green-

 

Vex is a child with her first bow-

 

Vex is pulling a bear cub from a cage-

 

Vex is keeping watch over her tiny family-

 

the forest and Fenthras and Vex are one-

 

they are all one-

 

Vox Machina is one, they are one thousand-

 

every moment they live, every breath they take, every world they inhabit, every heartbeat-

 

they belong.

 

(The wrong course plots itself; it was never meant to be this way.)

 

Vex kisses Keyleth. The world keeps spinning and life goes on, and they're happy but not safe.

 

Maybe someday they can have both.

 

**Author's Note:**

> come yell w me on [tumblr](http://aramente.tumblr.com)
> 
> flower meanings:  
> iris = wisdom, hope  
> dark pink rose = thankfulness  
> larkspur = lightness, an open heart, levity  
> yellow asphodel = regret  
> monks cress = resignation  
> red carnation = aching heart, admiration  
> yew = sadness  
> arbutus = "i love only thee"  
> marjoram = happiness, joy  
> balsam = fervent love  
> phlox = harmony, a good partnership  
> ambrosia = love requited  
> forget-me-not = memories, true love  
> heliotrope = devotion  
> periwinkle = sweet remembrance  
> magnolia = perseverance, nobility


End file.
